| |
| |
|
Parenting Information |
|
In Defense of the Jelly Bean
Should a parent give a child a tangible reward when he or she has behaved properly or performed some important task such as doing homework, or helping around the house? Understandably, many parents are hesitant to use incentives, such as prizes, or food treats, to influence their children, especially considering the negative comments by some, but not all, contemporary parenting experts. For many parents, giving their children rewards feels like bribery and to them, should be thus avoided. Some parents object to giving rewards, because they conclude, that a child will end up wanting a reward for everything he or she does! And to these parents, rewarding children seems wrong. In truth, almost all adults, will only work and sacrifice if there is a reward. Typically, the reward is in the form of a paycheck, but sometime the reward might be personal honour, or fame. Children are no different! There is a danger in not accepting that children require motivating. Children, when their efforts are not acknowledged can be "turned off" to learning and co-operative behaviour, which then can lead to developmental and social difficulties. For many children, simple praise is enough, to acknowledge their accomplishments. However, at times, and especially for very young children, praise needs to be combined with something tangible like a sticker, or candy, or an allowance. As parents we must be realistic and practical. We cannot motivate a child with things they don't want, even if our intentions are to educate them in the "true and noble ways" of life. We all want our children to be co-operative about doing their homework, be helpful around the house, and respectful to others. Yet to accomplish these correct goals, we need to bend-down to the mental and emotional of the child, and offer a "jelly bean" and a bit of praise. Certainly, not all behaviour needs to be, or should be, rewarded. Most children seek to please and want, at times, to cooperate. However, and for whatever reason, for certain tasks or attitudes, if the child resists complying, this is a sign that probably a reward for compliance should be offered. Sometimes, a negative consequence should be assigned for refusal to cooperate, if the reward does not sufficiently motivate. To be effective, rewards should always match the child's level of maturity. When the child outgrows a desire for Acandy and toys@ he or she should be offered "nice clothes or money." As our children mature, it should be our goal to decrease external rewards and encourage more internal, self-motivating ones, and ultimately, when the child grows-up with spiritual and moral values, true altruism. Children are very receptive and excellent learners. When they repeat a behaviour many times, it becomes "second nature." If we want our children to become exemplary adults, we must insist upon, and encourage, proper behaviour and attitudes when they are young. Once a behaviour or attitude becomes second nature, it no longer needs to be externally encouraged. For example, if a child develops good study habits when young, as a result of parents having rewarded him/her for this behaviour, typically, as a teen and adult, he or she will continue to have good study habits, because it has now become a personal value, and external rewards are no longer necessary. The best way is to acknowledge a child's accomplishments by giving generous praise and rewards. Tangible rewards help children improve in learning and good behaviour. Self-esteem is even enhanced since the child is being recognized for behaving properly. A child, and even a teen, likes to know they are doing a good job, and a tangible reward sends that message to them loud and clear. Abe Kass, M.A., R.S.W., R.M.F.T., is the publisher of Wisdom Scientific self-help educational programs. Abe is also a registered Social Worker, registered Marriage and Family Therapist, certified hypnotherapist and award winning educator. He concluded, after many years of clinical practice and research, that practical solutions requiring a focussed effort of no more than a few minutes a day for very specific personal and relationship problem were critically needed. Wisdom Scientific publishing house has been created to fill this need. For more information or a free e-bulletin, visit http://www.WisdomScientific.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Top Three Reasons To Get Involved At Your Childs School You may think once your child has gone off to school full-time (officially a First-Grader) that he/she no longer needs you.. Winning The Whining War Jason Meridith's two-year old son whines when he wants more juice. Brenda Kreuger's eight-year old daughter whines about having to take piano lessons. Advising Teens? Getting Your Point Across Giving advice to a teenager is very easy; getting a teenager to take that advice is another matter altogether. It's not only a case of the advice 'falling on deaf ears', sometimes the teenager seems to go deliberately out of their way to do the exact opposite, that's when you know you've got a problem. Homeschooling - Can I Do It? Many parents would like to homeschool their children but are afraid they don't have the training or ability to be their children's teacher. This is certainly understandable, because most parents never had any formal training to be a teacher. Is it ADHD or Bi-Polar Disorder? Bi-Polar Disorder, or Manic Depression, is characterized by mood swings, sometimes extreme, ranging from depressed to normal moods, or from depressed to manic episodes. Manic behaviors are often very similar to "hyperactive" behaviors, including motor restlessness, irritability, temper outbursts, sleeping less, or having higher levels of energy. Lifebooks: Every Adopted Child Needs One Information is gold when you are adopted. Every tiny piece is precious, whether it's a photo or quote from the orphanage staff. How Effective Are Ritalin and Dexedrine in Treating the Symptoms of ADHD? Many research studies have shown the overall effectiveness of stimulant medication, such as Ritalin and Dexedrine in their various forms, in treating the symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorders in children, teens, and adults. Even though stimulants are not the only effective option in the treatment of the disorder, stimulants may be a good choice, and their use should be discussed with your physician. Breastfeeding, Its My Right My name is Duncan and I'm 2 years old. I want to thank my Mommy and Daddy for choosing breastmilk as my only food for my first six months. Parenting Your Teenager: 4 Traps to Avoid 4 traps to avoidTrap 1 - Parents need to realize the trap that is being set when your kids ask,"Well, why can't I (fill in the blank)?"Many well-intentioned parents then proceed to give a well-reasoned response and then wonder why the kids blow up and don't accept it.Here's a response I believe a parent will never get:"Thank you for that explanation Mom and Dad. ADHD: A Dialogue With a Non-Believer, part two Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read the article What You Should Know About Attention Deficit Disorder by Edward W. after having it handed to me by a member of our church. Homework Help for the Attention Deficit Child Does the homework battle so typical with your hyperactive or A.D. Old-Fashioned Ways to Inspire Children "Walk through any toy store and you will see walls and walls of toys that are loud -- toys that require batteries, have flashing lights, or that look like your child's favorite movie character. What is there for parents who want to raise children with imagination and curiosity? I'll tell you what we do. From Childrens Stories to Study Skills: Help Your Children Succeed in School IntroductionAs a parent who wants the best for your children, there are undoubtedly many things that you already do every day to help your children succeed in school. The purpose of this article is to provide some practical ideas for you to try. Whos Teaching Your Child About Money? Managing money is one of the most critical skills we must master to function effectively as adults. However, public school curricula rarely address this issue directly. Healthy Eating For Children: Six Simple Rules Rule #1 Make Every Bite Count!Everything your child eats should be nutritious. Children can be picky and inconsistent, so make sure that what they do eat is really good for them. The Secrets To Improving Childrens Behaviour Most parents at some stage are driven to distraction by one or more of their children's annoying habits or behaviours, whether it is a toddler who continually whines, a school-aged child who leaves clothes lying around or a teenager who uses a less than pleasant vocabulary.How to affect change is a challenge for many parents. More than Mom and Dad Love, love, love. It makes the world go round. Joining a Gang: How to Help Kids Prevent it, How to Tell if Theyve Joined One, How to Help Them Out While youth gangs are nothing new -- they've been traced back to the early 19th century -- the demographic of a youth gang is something that is constantly changing. Many people stereotype gang members as urban, inner city males from racial minorities, but in fact gangs are a problem in suburbs as well as cities, for all races and for girls as well as boys. Back to School It is hard to believe that summer is coming to a close, but the fall and school season is fast approaching. Our son will be beginning his first year of preschool this year and we are both excited and nervous. The Free Ride In Public Schools To protect children's self-esteem or deflect complaints by parents, many public schools today automatically advance failing students to the next grade level. In other schools, some students are left back a maximum of one year, then promoted again regardless of their academic skills.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
